The Strangers

• Released Internationally on 29/05/08
• Released in Malta by KRS on 08/10/08

In a nutshell

Young couple. Summer house in the middle of nowhere. Planned romantic night. Yeah right.

Oh! The horror!

Different people have different tastes. Anyone knows that. People who make things know it, and people who appreciate things know it. It’s what makes the world a varied place. It’s why we have menus, showrooms and remote controls. It’s why people with hairy cheeks often get married, and why you can still find white socks for sale. And of course, it’s why Hollywood churns out films by the dozen and why the world is sprinkled with cinema multiplexes.

Which brings me (finally) to horror films. Some are termed ‘thrillers’, some are gory, some contain creepy creatures while others use scary psychopaths; but ultimately they all aspire to keep you on the edge of your seat for as long as possible, and maybe even throw you off it a couple of times too. Which can all be quite fun, especially if you’re wolfing down microwave popcorn with friends, or sharing an armrest with a terrified but cute girl you asked out. But most importantly, there has to be a decent payoff in the end. You need something to make your ordeal worthwhile.

There is no such payoff here. Nothing. Just ninety minutes of terror, frights, unease and gore, just for the sake of it. Sure, the film has its moments – if you’re a thrill seeker who likes to be jolted then this might be just the ticket for you, but ultimately I was left wondering whether the rise in blood pressure was worth it. At the end of a rollercoaster ride you get the satisfaction, the view, the memories, and maybe the photo, but here the audience is left with nothing.

Inspirational stuff?

The film starts with the much-abused line ‘inspired by true events’. Where the inspiration ends and the extrapolation begins is hard to define, especially due to the nature of the ‘events’ in question – a planned romantic night for a young couple in a summer house, which loses some of its mood when uninvited guests come knocking.

Survival of the smartest

Assuming, however, that what we are seeing truly happened, then it appears that real-life young couples have learnt all the clichés from recent horror films, and are often as dim as the fictional victims. Which would explain why they insist on walking into rooms without switching on the lights, or getting separated at every opportunity, or walking right into obviously dangerous situations all alone. Which is naturally very convenient for a director intent of scaring us out of our wits.

Who’s in it?

Liv Tyler adds some respectability, and is quite convincingly terrified throughout, whereas Scott Speedman first gains our deepest sympathy after his romantic plans goes awry, but then opts for recklessness instead of chivalry.

Worth screaming about?

Don’t get me wrong – if you’re one of the (apparently numerous) fans of these fright-fests, then this could make you feel great. Many of the tense scenes are well constructed, and the terror is palpable and believable. But if you’re after a good film overall, and have enough palpitations as it is, I’d give this one a miss.

Trailer:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/thestrangers/ (High-Res Quicktime)

Bangkok Dangerous

 

• Released Internationally on 22/08/08
• Released in Malta by KRS on 10/09/08

 

In a nutshell

A freelance hitman decides it’s time to hang up his rifle and settle down, but he accepts one last assignment - four targets, in one city – so as to further improve his retirement package. His job is in Bangkok and as expected, it’s dangerous.

Who’s in it?

Nicolas Cage once again carries a whole film on his shoulders as the assassin in question. Cage’s production company bought the re-make rights to the 1999 version of the film, which was directed by Hong Kong directorial duo the Pang Brothers (who also gave us The Eye). They returned to direct this English-language remake, and their 1999 script was tinkered with by a certain Jason Richman.

Cover version, now with vocals

The original film featured a deaf-mute hitman in the main role, which I imagine provided an interesting slant on the much-overdone lone assassin theme. However, the powers that be decided that Cage would be wasted if he kept his mouth shut for 90 minutes, so we now have a hired gun in full command of all his senses, which leaves him with little novelty compared to the countless other similar films we’ve seen over the years. And most of them were on their supposedly-last assignment too.

Weird

To retain some of the original concept, a new subplot is crafted involving a deaf-mute female interest, which plays out rather awkwardly, and ends up adding very little to the story, besides being quite unconvincing. It’s nearly as weird as Cage’s haircut, which is once again altered conspicuously, presumably to distinguish his character from the numerous similar characters he’s played in the past.

Brand Thailand

If the mention of Thailand conjures up mental images of idyllic beaches for you, then this film won’t have you phoning your travel agent in a hurry. Hardly any scenes unfold in daylight, and apart from a brief prologue in Prague, the entire film immerses us in a dark and bleak Bangkok underworld. And this is no classy, Blade Runner-type noir environment. It’s just dank and depressing.

Worth it for the action?

Amongst the few redeeming features are a couple of decently-orchestrated action sequences, including a memorable chase through Bangkok’s floating market that owes much to Roger Moore and his Bond escapades in ‘The Man With The Golden Gun’. In the end, there’s very little here that’s original, and most of it is gloomy and forgettable.

 

 

Trailer:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/bangkokdangerous/ (High-res QuickTime)

 

Meet Dave

 

• Released Internationally on 09/07/08
• Released in Malta by KRS on 23/07/08

 

In a nutshell

Dave may look like Eddie Murphy, but he is in fact a spaceship, manned by numerous tiny human-like aliens. They have been sent to Earth on a mission which will hopefully save their home planet, Nil. But while they’re here the crew start to develop certain feelings for the doomed earthlings, and mutiny threatens to compromise their mission.

Saving face?

If you’re still reading, then you haven’t been scared off by the ridiculous plot outline above. And to be fair, once you get past the whole plot concept, the film does somehow manage to offer a few moments of humour and warmth. However, these are the exception rather than the rule, and most scenes are somewhat painful to watch, either due to the poor special effects, or the strained acting, or the general silliness of the whole idea. Still, I imagine younger children will find much to enjoy in Dave’s antics.

Who’s in it?

Murphy takes on the dual role of the spaceship and its bite-sized captain. Elizabeth Banks (Seabiscuit, Spider-man 2 & 3) is Dave’s unlikely love interest, and Gabrielle Union (Deliver Us From Eva, Bad Boys II) is the ship’s 3^rd in command. Scott Caan (Ocean’s 11,12 & 13, Into the Blue) is one of the bewildered police officers dealing with Dave. The film is directed by Brian Robbins, whose other dubious achievements include The Shaggy Dog and Norbit.

O Eddie, where art thou?

Ultimately, this film can be shelved along with the Norbits, Pluto Nashes and Haunted Mansions of Murphy’s career, and it is sadly turning out to be quite a loaded shelf. We all know that he’s got talent, and it’s been very evident in both his early work, as well as recent outings such as Shrek and Dreamgirls. But for reasons known only to him, he still accepts these very obviously silly roles from time to time. I guess he needs the cash. The comic value of Murphy’s rigid, robotic Dave wears thin pretty quickly, and ironically even the spaceships’ captain, also played by Murphy, delivers all his lines emotionlessly, despite being flesh and blood.

 

 

Trailer:

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809846742/trailer (High-res options)